The Terrible Transformation

Amy Grace Lam


Change is terrifying.

It feels like death.
It’s face a pale white ghost, haunting me, daring me to cross it’s path.
It tastes like fear.
Change is finding a way through.

Change is possible.
It feels like something within my grasp.
It looks like I have the tools to build this house.
It tastes like a small victory.
Change is possible.

Change is life calling you to be fully present.
It feels like dragging yourself out of the comfortable bed you’ve made for yourself. 
It looks like waking up, jumping out of bed, throwing your best outfit on, grabbing your keys then looking outside.
It tastes like bitter melon and chicken livers. 
You know it’s good for you and your body craves it, but your mind is saying, “No!”
Change is a roller coaster, here we go.

Change is taking a risk and getting it wrong!
It feels like I gave it my all.
It looks like do it again.
It tastes like metal in my mouth.
Change is following your guts, even to your knees.

Change is losing yourself on a journey at sea.
It feels like falling in love with the waves of primordial ocean. 
It looks like bodies shaping, twisting left right, finding movements ahead and behind.
It tastes like salt water skin, perfumed nicotine, and air.
Change is being moved.

Change is failure, trying something and it didn’t work out.
It feels like a wounded ego, bruised pride.
It looks like I had a good idea, I thought, and woops….maybe not?
It tastes like a cookie recipe awry, soft with hard spots, sweet but too much salt ….          but it’s still a cookie.
Change is daring to try.

Change is noticing the first moments of awe.
It feels like suspended breath.
It looks like my eyes being lulled to the stage, magnetic I watch magic wisp in mid-air. 
It tastes like salt water tears, my soul touched.
Change is hearing the call.

Change is learning to be present.
It feels like no time to think.
It looks like do it again, try harder, watch this folks.
It tastes like dirt and sweat.
Change is surrender, left naked before your truth.

Change is new moments of awareness.
It feels like the surprise of new love, new highs, fluttering possibilities.
It looks like my body moving into you, my mind catching up to what is happening moments later.
It tastes like fusion of pear and lime, something familiar, yet never paired before.
Change is discovery.

Change is risking into the great unknown, uncertain of what I will find in the fall.
It feels like a dark black tunnel I must sense my way through.
It looks like my mind grasping for any sense of familiarity it can get its hands on.
It tastes like a tall glass of mint iced tea on a hot summer day,
inviting, invigorating, my body.
Change is courage to fully live.

Change is letting the transformation take place, 
releasing the grip of the past and shedding old skin.
It feels like memories fading into the distance.
It looks like not finding space to carry pain.
It tastes like new life budding from old branches.
Change is making room for life.

Change is unexpected happiness.
It feels like going through thick fog and making it out on the other side.
It looks like moments revealed, suspended exactly on time. 
It tastes like a victory found here, written before the future.
Change is now in the not yet imagined.

Change is being absolutely unapologetic for who I am.
It feels like being pushed over and again to show up. 
It looks like I’m still in this fight even with odds against me. 
It tastes like a bold new dish.
Change is my commitment to excellence for me.